Character traing for mom

It has been a rough 2 weeks, heck it has been rough ever since baby A appeared. I was seriously in very grouchy mood due to being very tired, feeling run down and having a very sore throat every morning, aching all over that I was pretty much being a real ogre to my kids. I felt I was at the end of the rope and just can't go on like this and something had to change. At my lowest, I was ready to send J/W right to public school. When I am sane, I realize I should wait until fall. I didn't at one point cared if they wanted to or not, or if hubby might object, I was going to send them no matter what, just so I can have some breathing time and not always feel so angry and frustrated. I even made a prayer bet with God, just to see if He really wants me to homeschool or not. *gasp*

But somewhere along the road, God talked to me through my kids. Both my kids w/o hesitation give wanting to homeschool a 10, not a 9.5 or 9.9 that I suggested they can give. Both of them would still wants to continue homeschool even if the other one was sent to school. I even offered to give them a large sum of money if they went to school because my kids do love to have their own money thinking for sure that would give them something to think about. But they turned it down flat and said even if it was a million or a billion bucks, they still want to homeschool. Okay, there you have it. They are unwavering in their desire to homeschool.

Often times I wonder why? Especially since when I feel like I yell them a lot, sometimes everyday for what is really little stuff. I have often asked myself why can't I treat them with more kindness and patience? And I pray often to God to help me not to yell but use gentle words. And if I'm really honest, I think sometimes I am downright mean and once I start yelling, I have a hard time stopping. In all honesty, I know I have really good, easy going kids. So why can't I see more of the good in them? Why do I always disapprove of them???? Of course, my solution is to send them to school. I think at least they won't get this kind of treatment at school.

Yet, despite all this, my kids amaze and confuse me when they say they want to stay home with me. W even reminded me that I had said I'll homeschool him until college if he wants and that is what he wants. So once again, deep in my heart, I know I won't be sending them to school and that I'll just have to keep working on myself. Or the best would be to send baby A to daycare. he-he. Just kidding. A friend of mine has once said that homeschooling is character training for mom. So very true.

P.S. I did get a rebounder for myself (and for the kids/hubby) to blow off some steam and hopefully feel better physically.